Modern Etiquette — Why Manners Are Recalibrating

One thing first: etiquette is not what many people take it to be. It is not a set of memorized rules you bring out when guests arrive. It is the attempt to do, in the right moment, the one thing that doesn’t break anything.

What has changed

Two decades at the side of the ultra-wealthy have shown me one thing above all: the generation that still learned etiquette as a rulebook is retiring. The generation that follows still knows the rules — but it has absorbed them in a different way. It no longer quotes; it simply acts. And it draws a razor- sharp line between style and spectacle.

That has consequences for anyone who works professionally with this clientele.

Three new rules of thumb

First: discretion is the most important form of courtesy. Anyone who still believes you impress through a loud service ritual hasn’t understood the industry.

Second: form no longer follows rigidly — it follows the moment. Which fork first? The one the guest takes. Which wine first? The one the host visibly favors.

Third: etiquette is a tool, not a status symbol. Anyone who uses it to draw distinctions has already lost it.

What stays

A great deal. Punctuality. The greeting by name. The right word in the right moment. The ability to step back. All of that works today exactly as it did a hundred years ago.

What will change further

The next generation will no longer learn etiquette in courses, but through observation. The question for hospitality schools and for high-end recruitment will be: how do you teach posture when form itself has long become flexible?

I don’t have an honest answer to that. But I suspect: through role models, not through books.

Daniel Rudolf is the founder of Xclusive and author of the book “Sonst noch Wünsche?” (Heyne, releasing 11 November 2026).